caring isn't 'cringe'
i think it’s time we say cringe culture has gotten out of hand. cringe culture is one of the many ways that ‘keyboard warriors’ or ‘online trolls’ attack and dismiss others’ interests, cultures, and identities. basically, anything cringe is anything embarassing- out of the trends, not sticking to the status quo, or even just being weird to an unknown user halfway across the world. what people don’t realise is that by discouraging “cringe culture”, they’re discouraging real human feelings.
right now, most of the deep, thoughtful feelings that are valid on the internet are those of the tiktok “thought daughters” (and you substackers, but you guys are real ones!). i’ve been exposed to a long and winding feed of so-called or potentially true thought daughters who post 11-second long videos with them in the back and a relatable caption. here are some of my favourites:
important to note that i am NOT dismissing their opinions and feelings- i agree with them. thank you to the people that are trying to make thinking cool. but what happened to truthfully telling your friends? or maybe your therapist? why did we make thinking and caring aesthetic???
i’m quite sure that if someone who wasn’t a blonde girl with a butt-ton of mascara and blush on posted a video like that, it wouldn’t get much engagement. even if it did, the comments would be ravaging their appearance, their takes, and their image. if it were someone that were similar to looks in my examples, they’d be reaffirmed and supported, showcasing our double standards and unappeal for cringe. caring for how people feel doesn’t make you cringe, even if it’s not on tiktok with 10k views and 300 reposts (not on tiktok, no idea how something is “popular”).
i am the opposite of this ‘popular thought daughter’ appearance- a brown asian hijabi girl who despises make-up. which leads me to this:
the other day my friend ranted on about how much they just hated life right now, and of course i was there to listen. sure, i didn’t really know what to say because thinking on the spot for these kinds of conversations is genuinely difficult, but i at least wanted to be present for her. the next day, we have another conversation via text. i ask her:
“how are you feeling today?? i wanted to check in”
in response, i get:
“no cringe”
maybe i read the message wrong and she feels cringe (firstly, how?), but i’m quite sure that she just shut down my text, which i sent with good intentions, by saying i was embarassing, or uncool. i’m quite an impulsive person, so i texted back immediately and said:
“bruh ok sorry for trying to be nice (pray hands/apologise emoji)”*
*note: this was sent in a slightly joking manner so i don’t seem serious and angry (+ cringe! although i am quite disgusted by the response i got) and i just hope she reads it that way. i don’t want her to feel any worse than she does now and i would never forgive myself if i upset her over something so simple.
yes, that was not my finest and/or wisest moment, but i admit it. but i don’t like the fact that she’s able to dump all of her emotional baggage on me, and simply say i’m cringe when i’m just trying to help.
i know she’s trying her hardest, but so am i! and that is ok! feelings and conversations like that aren’t uncool and shouldn’t be shut down so swiftly. just because i’m not one of the cute girls on pinterest she saves, who post captions she agrees with, doesn’t mean that she can just block others out when they try to lend a hand.
i admit i’m really hurt by that, and this post is just an elongated rant about this three message interaction. an “I’m sorry” will not change how i feel, but sometimes i feel like i have to forgive it to make sure i don’t jeopardise my relationships. but i think letting it out where people understand how i feel, i.e, substack will give me more comfort than someone who thinks that checking up on others is cringe, especially when they don’t feel okay.
the whole thing i’m trying to get at is that our feelings shouldn’t be under the umbrella of “cringe culture”. really, nothing should, cause we’re all unique to our specific interets, personalities, and appearances. i get that some people dislike what other people say or do, but it doesn’t give them the right to call them uncool. in another world, maybe skinny jeans are the norm, and jorts-wearing people are simply not popular. we’ll never know.
it is NEVER ok to dismiss how someone is feeling by belittling it as something embarassing. yes, accept the tiktok girls’ opinions with wide open arms by saving them into your pinterest boards, or reposting, but don’t shit on the thoughts of others just because they seem uncool.
if your best friend, partner, or any person you care about is struggling with their mental headspace, please check up on them. it’s not cringe to send a “how are you?”, but it might’ve been in my case.. besides the little nod of sarcasm, do make sure they’re doing alright even if they appear fine, cause you never truly know how someone is feeling, or how they’re thinking. don’t be affected by how people on the internet would see you, and don’t be afraid to send that text- it could change them forever.